Procrastinating The Lows.

I push the grocery cart down the aisle that hosts the boxed pasta and jars of spaghetti sauce. I can hear my stomach starting to grumble - I had stayed a couple of hours late at work, and on a normal day, I would have already eaten dinner by then. Knowing our fridge was near empty, I stop at the store on my way home. I have half a cart full of food, and I'm ready to leave.

Walking suddenly feels a lot like swimming. Ugh. I just want to get out of here and eat dinner.

Suddenly, I remember that I didn't grab milk. U-turn. Back to the back of the store. Milk in tow. Back to the front.

I really don't want to be low right now. Dinner is sitting right in front of me; I don't want to eat glucose tabs right now too. I can make it.

And salad! I didn't grab lettuce! Spin move; to the produce.

Why does everyone have to be in my way right now? Seriously lady; move your cart over.

Okay; done. Check out.

Why did I get so many things? Got to make sure to put all of the cold things together so they get bagged together.

The girl forgets the reusable bag discount. I just want this to be done.

"Bread? Check. Apples? Check.
Low blood sugar? Check."

My Dexcom LOW!!! alarm goes off.

Hurry hurry hurry hurry... just want to get out of here... 

...oh, crap. 

I had forgotten that this is the store where they bring your groceries to your car for you. Normally, that's helpful. When you're below 55 mg/dL and can't remember exactly where your car is, it's embarrassing.

As soon as the doors swish open and I can see pavement, I start frantically hitting my car remote's lock button, hoping to see the lights flash. The teenage boy watches me, expecting me to lead to where the car is.

I bluff and head down the middle.

BEEP BEEP!

Was that the car or my CGM?

We find the car; I clumsily throw open the back hatch and try to help load things in, so that this goes faster. I say "thank you". I fall into the driver's seat and can finally stop putting off the dusty, chalky glucose tabs in my future.

I don't know why I do this.

I convince myself that I don't need to treat that low right then. I tell myself to wait a few minutes... but for what? I know I'm just going to feel worse, and I know that my blood sugar isn't going to go back up on its own. Rationally, I know these things.

In that moment, however, rational thinking can give way to the decision that procrastinating is a good choice.

I can't explain it.